don't mind me- im just writing absentmindedly. cuz i can.

sometimes i wish i was beautiful, that my world was beautiful, and i could capture that. i wish i was the kind of girl who people believed could take pictures- not just a quiet girl, too young, too large, too short, too full of joy to be a real artist.
sometimes i wish i had a family who let me be an artist and not a scholar. who understood that it's all i ever wanted, and all i'll ever want.
i wish i had connections- quiet faces who shone in the camera, who let me capture their soul and not just a smile. i have four beautiful siblings and two best friends who let me take their picture, but nobody else would dare give me a chance, no, there's no way i could ever do as good a job as someone professional.and i wouldnt, so i guess they're right. but id kill to have the chance to grow.

but i can't. i'll keep striving to be the best i can be, despite what life has dished out.i taught myself everything i know and im proud of the person i grew up to be. im so imperfect, but ive never loved anyhting more than the click of a shutter and the feeling of words, trapped inside me. and im hoping that will be enough to guide me through. i will suprise people someday.